Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
