I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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