I'm gonna have a badass scar
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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