My room smells like vodka and shame
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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