I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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