Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
