Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
