you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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