Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
