Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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