i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
