using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bring money and cleavage
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
