If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
