I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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