they need to just BURY HIM!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
