She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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