So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
