So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
