Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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