So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
