we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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