If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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