remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
