# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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