Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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