Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
