I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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