Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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