We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
