We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
