Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
