just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
