I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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