it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
