At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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