My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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