im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
