I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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