bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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