Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
