No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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