I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
