Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.