Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.