Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.