The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
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Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..