Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dicks are not precious.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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