lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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