i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
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So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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