The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just blew my weed a kiss
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
