we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
