Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
