Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
