its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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