can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
