Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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