That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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