Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize