He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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