tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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