Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
