just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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