just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.