final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same