omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT