he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap