You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
