Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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